Is it possible to have a happy and successful marriage or relationship?
I like to think so!
When you first get married or start a relationship everything is new. You enjoy each others company and you get creative by going out, buying each other gifts and so. But after a while the “novelty” wears off and 2 years, 5 years or 10 years later things aren’t as rosy as they once were.
Has this happened to you?
Here are some tips on keeping a relationship going.
1. Keep talking
When you have an argument there is usually an urge to walk out and slam the door! This is something you definitely shouldn’t do.
You need to keep talking – but that doesn’t mean keep shouting and arguing at each other! Find a way to be the “bigger person” and stop arguing.
Instead, listen to what the other person is saying. Let them have their say and – very importantly – acknowledge what they say, don’t argue back. Let them say some more – and again acknowledge what they say. It doesn’t matter whether you agree with them or not, this is a method of diffusing a situation. Once things have calmed down then ask them if you can have your say and get them to listen and understand. It may not work the first time but eventually, the other person will see the sense in what you’re doing and arguments will be easier to deal with.
2. Don’t go to sleep on an upset
If you have an argument or upset don’t go to sleep until you’ve sorted it out. As above, keep talking until it’s resolved. If you don’t it just builds up and you’re likely to wake up in the morning feeling disgruntled which will lead to more upsets.
The plus side of it is if you handle the upset before you go to sleep you might both be inclined to express your restored understanding in an intimate way 😉
3. Create the relationship
Relationships can go stale due to the demands of everyday living. Working long hours, stress at work, dealing with the children and many more things mean that your relationship takes a back seat.
The best way to prevent this is to spend some time, even if only a little, creating the relationship. This could be flowers for the ladies, dinner out, a special dinner at home, going for a drive etc. Whatever it is you like to do as a couple then do something on a regular basis – at least once a week.
And this should be done by both of you – it’s not just his responsibility to organise things, sometimes the man in your life would be happy to be taken out to dinner just as much as you do!
4. Don’t do something that you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling your partner about
When you do things that you don’t want to tell your partner this makes you withhold yourself from them and builds up communication blocks.
These would be actions that would be breaking an agreement you have with your partner – even if you haven’t explicitly discussed this agreement you generally know when you’re doing something you shouldn’t!
This could be such things as spending money when you’ve agreed you wouldn’t; flirting with someone at the office; building up credit card debt; going to the pub but saying you worked late etc.
Have you ever had that feeling that you wonder if he/she knows something when they mention something similar? A very simple example – you binge on some ice cream when you’re on a diet. He goes to the freezer and says “I just fancy some ice cream”. You can’t help but be reminded that you did something you shouldn’t have done.
When you do things you’re not comfortable talking to your partner about it builds up, you withhold yourself more and more and eventually start pulling away and getting into senseless arguments.
So – the moral of the story? If you’re not comfortable telling your partner then you probably shouldn’t be doing it!
5. Make plans for the future together
We all have our own personal plans but what about as a couple? It’s important to establish agreed upon future plans so that you’re both going in the same direction and you both know what each other’s dreams are.
6. Let the other person know you love them
As above it’s easy to get caught up in life and forget the important things. You may think they know you love them but it’s always good to say it on a regular basis!