Toxic people are those types who, in a nutshell, wish and do you harm.
The problem with toxic people is their intentions are kept well hidden so you may not see them for what they are.
Have you noticed that when you’re with someone you somehow feel they’re “better” than you?
Does a particular person gossip about your friends to you?
And have you ever noticed how you start to doubt yourself and your abilities when you’ve spent time with a particular person?
These are all symptoms of being associated with a toxic person.
What does a toxic person do?
1. A toxic person will undermine you
This is done in a number of ways.
One of these is a veiled criticism. They seem to be complimenting you but hidden behind that compliment is actually an intended criticism.
Such as “I love what you’re wearing but I think you could look so much better”. Or “Nice hair cut, but don’t you think you should have gone blonde?”
2. Talk about you behind your back
This one isn’t easy to spot unless a good friend of yours finds out and tells you. One way to be aware of it is to be observant of others and see if their attitude towards you has changed.
Another way to be aware of this is if you notice yourself getting into an argument with someone, especially someone you normally get along with. Stop the argument and check with them if someone has talked to them about you. And check for yourself if someone has said something to you about the other person – it works both ways!
3. Gossip and criticise others to you
This is an extension of the last one. When someone criticises others to you it can’t help but change your attitude towards those people. It can seem like “harmless” gossip but it’s actually very harmful and their intention behind the gossip is to belittle the person they’re walking about. This can also affect the way you treat these other people because you unwittingly “agree” with the toxic person.
When you have someone in your life who does this it brings you down emotionally.
4. Talk about bad news
There are people who just love to pass on bad news and are very negative. This is more than the “gossiper” mentioned above. This is the person who just can’t help tell you about the car crash they saw; talk about the increase in unemployment; the burglary that occurred a few streets away etc.
What they’re doing is putting your attention on bad things. It can get so bad that you start to worry about going out on the streets or driving down the road.
There are so many good things happening in your community, in the town, the country and the world. By having your attention put on the bad your mood will deteriorate. By focusing on the good your mood will improve.
5. Openly criticise
A toxic person may criticise you quite openly. This is quite obvious when it happens but even so, you might miss it. Things like “I don’t like the way you’ve done your hair” or “Can’t you wear something nicer to the party?” or “You’re not a very good driver”.
You might shrug these off and perhaps even agree with them slightly, but beware – the person who is criticising you is doing it to bring you down. They don’t want you to be better than them and so the best way to do that is to somehow lessen you.
6. Two faces
This is the person who is very friendly one day and the next day they treat you as if you’ve done something terrible to upset them (especially when you haven’t). You never know who they’re going to be from one day to the next. The wrong thing to do is try to butter them up and apologise for any imagined slight. This is what they want you to do. This is emotional manipulation and will make you feel very drained and unsure of yourself.
What to do about toxic people?
The best thing to do about toxic people is to steer clear of them. If they’re just an acquaintance this is easy to do – just don’t have anything to do with them. If it’s a “friend” you would need to work out a way to distance yourself from them. If it’s a close relationship it will take a bit more work and perhaps some hard decisions to deal with it.
But ultimately your health is at risk whilst you continue to associate with toxic people. It affects your emotional state and can even affect your physical health.
The best way to live life is to associate with positive people; people who take you as you are and don’t try to change you; people who are happy for you when you achieve something; people who have your back and will do anything to help you.
With these types of people in your life you can go from strength to strength!